Maximise Love, Manage Stress
Children learn about themselves and their world through relationships with parents, family members, and caregivers. When children feel loved, safe and secure, and when parents or caregivers receive proper support and tools to handle stress, children are more likely to respond to different emotions in healthy ways and form strong connections as they grow. Warm, stable, responsive relationships are fundamental to a child's brain development and well-being, motivating them to achieve their full potential and feel confident in themselves and their community. You can build a positive relationship with a child by being present and responsive with them in the moment, spending quality time together, and creating a caring environment of trust and respect.
0-1 years
Babies thrive in a loving, safe, and predictable environment. Your baby learns about communication, social behaviour, and emotions from their relationship with parents and caregivers. Babies communicate through cries, coos and goos, eye contact, smiles, laughter and touch. Respond with loving eye contact, words, and actions when your baby tries to get your attention. Babies thrive with back-and-forth communication (Serve and Return). When you notice and respond to your babies’ gaze, actions or play, you name what you notice. Pause to give them time to respond. Watch for when their attention moves to something different and follow their lead. You are helping early communication. Hold, kiss, cuddle, and reassure them when they get nervous. By being responsive positively, you will make them feel loved and secure, while encouraging them to keep communicating.
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Newborns experience the world through brand-new sensations. It's a big, bright, noisy place; you are the most important part of making it feel safe. Provide lots of attention. The warmth of your skin will soothe them, and your gentle touch will make them feel loved.
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A lack of sleep affects all parts of your life—your mood, energy, memory, and relationships. Taking care of yourself is one of the best things you can do to be there for your baby. Decide which tasks are essential and which you can get help with or let go of. Forgive yourself when things don't go as planned.
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Singing made-up songs or nursery rhymes can have a soothing effect on your baby. You can also try looking into their eyes and speaking softly while maintaining eye contact. Respond to their reactions with smiles, words, and encouraging noises.
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At around five months, your baby will begin to make other noises, such as grunts, squeals, and gurgles. Show your baby you listen to them when they make noises. Smile, nod, widen your eyes, and lift your eyebrows to encourage them to keep communicating. You can also say things like, "Is that right?" or "Aren't you talking well!" Doing so will help build your relationship and encourage them to keep trying.
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When your baby reaches out to you or tries to crawl towards you, respond to them. Even if you can't pick them up or cuddle them right away, you can smile and use a warm tone to reassure them. For instance, you can say, "Hi there, baby! Do you want a cuddle? Let me finish this, and i’ll be right there.”
Respond to your baby's emotional expressions - when your baby shows emotions, acknowledge them by saying things like "That's a big yawn! You must be tired after such a big day." When you understand and manage your baby's feelings, you build empathy and trust between you.
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Show that you understand your baby's feelings when responding to them. Your baby learns words through repetition. Repeating words helps your baby learn their meanings. For example, when your baby cries and you respond by feeding them, you can say, "Are you hungry? You're hungry, aren't you? You're a hungry baby!".
Repeat the sounds your baby makes. For instance, if your baby says 'da-da', look into their eyes, say 'da-da' back and wait for their response. Responding to their baby talk encourages communication, strengthens your bond and teaches your baby how to make conversation.
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Playing peekaboo can be a fun and engaging way to help your baby understand that you are still there even when they can't see you. To play, hide your face behind your hands and then pop out with a smile.
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From 7-12 months your baby is moving around more, which exposes them to new experiences and objects, which can sometimes be scary. Being warm and reassuring and encouraging them to keep trying will give them the confidence to keep exploring and learning. Even though babies are becoming more independent, they still require care and nurturing from parents or caregivers. They want to be close to you, show you their discoveries, and know that you are interested in what they are doing.
1-2 years
Warm, stable, and responsive relationships are essential for the development and well-being of toddlers. By actively listening to your child, acknowledging their emotions and praising their efforts, you give them the perfect environment to learn and grow. When they feel safe and secure, toddlers confidently explore the world; they learn to think, understand, communicate, behave, show emotions, and develop social skills.
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Children of all ages need parents and caregivers who are warm and responsive, who pay them attention, and who make them feel safe. Create daily routines for you and the child, such as reading together, which can be a special bonding time, grow their imagination, and help them learn about the world around them.
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Toddlers want to feel independent and master new skills. If we encourage them, they will stick with it longer and keep learning. Watch for moments when they seem to be struggling. Say, 'You can figure it out. I see that you're thinking really hard!" Help just enough so that they can succeed. Then, praise their efforts.
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Show excitement about your baby's interests. Show excitement and ask questions about their discovery if they show you a toy or object. Such as, "That's a great bell! Do you like the sound? It's red like a fire truck!" even before they can understand, having conversations with your child helps them to feel seen and heard and deepens your connection with them.
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Making choices helps grow your child's brain power. They have to compare the options, think about how they'll feel if they choose one instead of another, and then decide. Offer a limited number of options. 'It's time for a snack. Which do you want: an apple or grapes?' Show both options.
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It's hard to complete the things on your list with a toddler. But you can reduce stress (for both of you) by planning ahead. Think about potential stressful situations and plan for how you can improve or avoid them. For example, take snacks or a toy on errands so they have something to do. Try to avoid a trip to the shops right before their nap time when they might be grumpy.
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Following routines and having consistent ways of undertaking daily activities like a story before rest time, washing hands before morning tea and lunch-time provide certainty to children and help them feel secure.
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Toddlers experience strong emotions. Talking about and naming their emotions helps them understand how they feel. It also shows that you care and are paying attention. Over time, the better they understand emotions, the better they can manage them.
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Toddlers struggle with sharing and taking turns as they are still discovering their identity and what is theirs. Try practising sharing with your toddler; you could say, , "It's my turn to have the red block now. Great sharing – well done!”
2-3 years
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Hug and cuddle with them so they feel safe and loved.
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Children experience complex emotions that they may not have the words to describe. As a result, they often express their emotions in other ways that can confuse adults. By acknowledging and labelling your child's feelings, you can help them learn to manage their emotions in the future. If you notice they are becoming frustrated or upset, try to help them understand their feelings and provide comfort. For example, you might say, "Are you feeling sad? I can see you are feeling sad because you are crying. Are you feeling sad because you want to go outside? I am just finishing this job, and then we can go play." Developing emotional understanding is crucial to self-regulation, which builds healthy relationships. Children who learn healthy ways to express their emotions are more likely to develop empathy and be supportive of others, succeed in school, have positive and stable relationships, maintain good mental health, exhibit resilience, and have a better sense of self.
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You can feel like you say 'No" a lot to a toddler. Giving them situations where they can make choices, such as choosing which top to wear or which snack from your cupboard, can help them feel in control and encourage their growing independence.
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If your toddler struggles with separation, talk to them about when and where you'll be apart. For instance, "I'm going to the shops to buy some food for us. I'm going to get some of those mangoes you love so much. Grandma will stay here with you. I'll be back before bedtime, and we can have some yummy mangoes for dessert." Knowing when you'll be away, what you're doing, where they'll be, and when you'll be back helps children feel more secure and at ease.
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When praising your toddler, give them your full attention; this can be as simple as crouching down to look at something together. Praise and describe what your child is doing without asking them to do things differently. For example, "Amazing! That is such a tall tower! You built it up so high!" Tell your child specifically what you appreciate about their actions. For instance, "I love that even when it falls down, you start building again.”
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We all hear that taking care of ourselves is important, but it can be hard to find time for yourself when you have a child. Try devoting a block of time every day to doing something that makes you happy, such as going for a walk or reading. If you can, ask for help from those close to you. Feeling like you have some time to yourself can significantly impact how you think about the moments you spend with your child. When you prioritize your well-being, your relationship with your toddler also benefits.
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our child is interested in the tasks you do at home and may want to participate. Joining in makes them feel valued and important. Invite them to help with everyday tasks, like handing you clothes for the laundry.
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With a growing toddler, you may find yourself saying 'No' a lot. Telling them what you want them to do instead can help both of you avoid frustration. For example, if they are banging something on a hard surface, say, 'No hitting the table; you can hit the pillow over here.' Keep your language simple. You are helping them learn which decisions to make in the future.
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Learning to get along with other children is essential for school and life. Help them with activities like taking turns (they are still learning how to share). Show praise and encouragement when they treat others with kindness.
You can build a positive relationship with a child by being present and responsive with them in the moment, spending quality time together, and creating a caring environment of trust and respect.
How to help a child feel secure and loved.
Being present and in the moment with a child means paying attention to them and responding to their words and cues. Doing so demonstrates that you care about their thoughts and feelings, which is the foundation of a strong relationship. Listen to your child and be attentive to their emotions. If they tell you about their day, pay attention to how they express themselves. If they say they had a happy day, it shows they feel good about themselves. By listening about responding to your child, you show that you care about how they feel and provide a safe space for them to express themselves in the future.
Try to understand what your child's behaviour is telling you. Young children need guidance when dealing with big feelings like anger, sadness, and frustration. So when your child is displaying anger, validate what they are experiencing by naming the emotion and the reason for it, such as 'You are angry right now because I said no to watching television.'
Part of being in the moment with your child is watching, responding, and encouraging their ideas. When your child expresses an opinion, use this to learn more about their thoughts and feelings. Smiling and eye contact will show your child you are paying attention. These expressions of warmth and interest help your child feel secure and build confidence.
Quality time with your child doesn't have to be planned or scheduled. It can happen during ordinary days and situations. It can be while bathing your baby or chatting in the car with your toddler. These moments allow you to communicate positive messages and reassurance with smiles, laughter, eye contact, hugs, or by showing excitement at what they say. These simple moments will strengthen your relationship with your child.
See our video below for more tips on maximising love and managing stress with your child.
Dr. Ron Ferguson, co-founder to The Basics, Inc. explains the link between Maximising love and Managing Stress:
“To maximize love in a relationship with a child, is to let them know in every way that you can that you value them and care about their feelings. It means letting them know through your words and actions that you want them to be safe and healthy and feel happy. Some stress is normal, but to manage stress means trying to limit how much or how often problems or negative feelings stop you and the child from feeling safe, expressing love, or being hopeful.
The other four Basics Principles are ways of expressing love to a child. In addition, the good feelings you experience while doing so—or even while thinking about doing so—can help you relax, thereby reducing your stress”.